Disappointment

I was very pleased yesterday to upgrade the cellphones for myself and my husband. Jim has always been frustrated by his inability to text on his current phone; however, he has never done anything about it because he didn't want to go to the trouble, or he wanted to do it without any expense--i.e., use one of my old phones rather than get a new one. So I guess I was already preparing myself for any kind of response and should have expected disappointment.

I was not disappointed in my expectation of disappointment.

Last night was Jim's first full night at the Lindale campus teaching lecture and lab after a full day at Grand Saline. He was very tired when he came in at 9 p.m. and there wasn't much time to talk about anything. I told him about the phone but got very little response. This morning, I got a response and it was negative, of course--not outright rejection, for which I was prepared, but skepticism and sarcasm. He began by saying he had "read up" on the phone last night and it wasn't compatible with a Mac. I told him it wasn't necessary since the Internet was accessible on the phone itself, so there was no need to synchronize with a computer. Hearing this, he responded: "How much does that cost?" Of course it cost more and I told him so. He kind of half smiled, half sneered and walked off, saying, "Well, you're richer than I am." It was the most ubsurd statement, of course, as he is has plenty of money--hundreds of times more than I have--in part because he is so reluctant to part with any of it. But it really hurt for him to make a remark like that when he knew it wasn't true.

It's not surprising, though. I have never purchased a single thing--not a sweater, a bag of trail mix at the market, not a bicycle part, not my current six-year old car--that he did not demean as too expensive or unnecessary (even though he later comes to enjoy the benefits, say, of good gas mileage in my car). He is fortunate enough to come from money. He prides himself on never having to go into debt, but then again he never had to. So yes, I have debts. I had to pay my own way through 13 years of graduate school, working part time, getting fellowships when I could, and in the end taking out student loans so I could get the degree that would ensure I have the job I have now.

So I hope he will eventually come to appreciate the phone and gain some benefit from it. But it's quite clear there is almost nothing I could ever buy is going to be appreciated. He will always see me as a spendthrift and that's his "get" on me, his path to feeling superior.